This intro is so creative!! I don’t really know what tips to give you for it! I really like the fact that you made the river a person in a way so that the woman can speak on the river’s behalf. Perhaps your introduction would be stronger if you added some foreshadowing or explanation about what kind of stories you are going to tell. Are you telling the stories just with the theme of the river or will there be other themes connecting them? It is also interesting the way you wrote your introduction because I cannot tell if there is going to be a main character besides the river goddess, or if the other main character will be us- the readers. Maybe clarifying this will improve your introduction. I love the dialogue and the idea is so creative! I can’t wait to read your storybook! Keep up the good work!
I love your use of imagery in your introduction; your description of the Ganges river is especially beautiful! However, I think the most interesting choice you made in this story is putting it in the second-perspective (i.e. “you”). It’s an uncommon storytelling perspective and slightly difficult, but you executed it fairly well! The only thing I was wondering about in your introduction was in your first paragraph. By starting off with the word “imagine,” your entire story becomes invalid and somewhat disconnected. As an introduction to your introduction, you need to lay out your story structure. I didn’t really know it was in the second-perspective at first because I just thought this was a hypothetical situation. What if you take out (or at least change) “imagine” and alter the sentence slightly to include the second-perspective? Your beginning sentence can go something like: “For a moment you hear the sound of a slow-moving river as she softly slips between the noise and bustle of the city streets filled with people.” Although, you can alter it however you like! Besides this, I don’t really have any other suggestions for you. This introduction was amazing, and I can’t wait to read the rest!
Your first paragraph in your introduction was my favorite part of this introduction because you used personification and one of the senses to start off with. I think this was a great way to start off your introduction. I instantly wanted to read your stories after that. What if you elaborated on the imagery of the mysterious woman? I was trying to imagine what she looked like, but I think an in depth description of her would make your introduction even better. I was just left wondering what she actually looks like, and how she carries herself. However, I really loved your introduction. It has everything to capture a reader. The images you included were also great, and I like that one was of the boat, and the other of the actual river. I look forward to reading your storybook, and see what else your creativity brings. Great work, and good luck!
Bethany, so far the introduction was great! I am somewhat sad that I am only able to read the introduction thus far but I may come back and read some more of the story later on! As Sydney mentioned in her comment, it would be great if you could maybe add a little bit of foreshadowing or maybe like a flashback to your introduction to really capture the reader and want them to read further into the story. I think that using the Ganges River is great because that is such a well-known area in these types of stories. It would be great if you could maybe change the theme of the website to something other than white but I am not too sure about the specifics on formatting the storybook since I chose to do the portfolio. I wish you the best of luck on this story and the rest of the semester! Good job so far.
Hi Bethany! This introduction was great, you really painted a picture in my head of setting this story will take place in. My favorite portion was, “As you stand at the top of a set of worn stone steps, your ears welcome the sound of a slow-moving river as she softly slips between the noise and bustle of city streets filled with people. Her deep waters, shrouded from penetrating light by the layers of dirt from her bed far below, carry unseen cargo in their midst”. You are an amazing storyteller; I can tell your imagination is on point also. The only question I had after reading the introduction was what the story layout will be like? Are you going to introduce characters in each chapter or stick with the theme of the river? I have no doubt after reading your introduction that this portfolio will turn out great, good luck!
Hi Bethany! Wow, I really loved the introduction! Your ability to keep me captivated was definitely outstanding. The way you personified the Ganges was a goddess was very well written. Your words with intricate detail provide a huge insight to what she looks like, and her character. I wonder if you might able to make this introduction just a little more stronger. What if you also gave readers insight about what they are about to encounter as they scroll through the rest of the website? Maybe give a hint on what stories to expect, and what about the Goddess we will end up learning? This would not only keep the reader captivated, but even excited and have a story or two that they will definitely look forward to. Your creativity is very inspiring, and I am sure you stories will be amazing. I am looking forward to reading, and looking at the rest of your website as you make changes and additions. Good luck with the rest of it!
Bethany, I really enjoyed reading your introduction. I think that you are on a great path to making a great story. I loved how you first illustrated what it looked like to be at the Ganges river and following by the way that you made people speaking to each other. The hiddenness that you made the women into the goddess Ganges herself was really a really good piece to the tale. I think that you created a really good intro to your story as you set up the rest of the story. I am looking forward to what you will be doing as you go into your story. I think that one thing that could be done differently would be adding in more what the story you will be making, maybe a hint of what kind of stories you will be doing. I think this story is going to be great and I am looking forward to reading it.
Bethany, this is going awesome! I know in my last comment I talked about how creative it was for you to personify Ganges so well. I felt like you developed her character as a goddess really well and it makes your story really beautiful and full of so much imagery! Your home page looks clean and well done and I love all of the pictures you have posted, it makes reading your story easy and enjoyable. I also feel like your pictures correlate well with all of your stories. One thing is that the picture on your introduction could use a reference directly underneath it, rather than at the very bottom of the page. I think it could set the scene and location a little better right at the beginning of your introduction. Other than that, I have loved getting to read through your story again and am looking forward to seeing how it grows even better!
Bethany, this story is proceeding quite well. At first glance it almost looks like an informational / documentary about the Hindu lore of the Ganges river. But obviously, when one starts reading you come to find its a detailed story about the characters from that Indian tale. The mix of story telling with the 'esk' of historical feel and real world pictures make the story feel very unique. Your character development was great for the goddess was especially good. I honestly want to see more development such as that. Maybe with Shiva in deep detail also? Or even the grandson or his family members. Keep up the good works and I will keep reading your story book, waiting for its completion.
I am very intrigued by the title of your storybook. At first glance I was unaware of what it would be about. Obviously it would be about the Ganges river, but the “from head to mouth” part is where I was curious as to where it was going. Your introduction put my curiosity to ease. It was a nice introduction that contained a lot of detail for the direction that you will take. The introduction seems a little short. Maybe you could add a few more lines in there to give more to the story? I like how you spaced everything out. Sometimes people make the words so small and all in large paragraphs, so it was refreshing to have everything spaced out. I really like how you incorporated the video to your first story! I think that this is such a good idea. There are a few grammatical errors along the way but all-in-all I really enjoyed your storybook! Great job!
Wow this storybook is really interesting and fun to read! I like your style of writing where you are making the reader be the main character. It is definitely different to read a story that is written this way and it holds my attention really well. I had already read your intro but I reread it and it looks really good. I like the strong opening to your first story because it gives your reader a little bit of background and setting so that we know what happened in the intro, but it isn’t repetitive. Maybe you could use one of your next stories to write about why we were chosen to explore the river with the goddess of the Ganges. It could be really cool if you made a crazy reason as to why we specifically were chosen. You have a really strong ending to your story as well and it makes me want to come back to read your next stories! Great job!
Hi Bethany! I really like your storybook! My favorite part so far was your addition of the river sounds. That really helped me focus in on the story and immerse myself into the words on the page. I also think your writing style is great. It comes across clear and easy to follow. There were a few little grammatical errors mixed in, but nothing hindering the reader's ability to understand the story. Overall I love the creativity and execution of your project- I look forward to reading more!
Bethany, this is going awesome! I know in my last comment I talked about how creative it was for you to personify Ganges so well. I felt like you developed her character as a goddess really well and it makes your story really beautiful and full of so much imagery! Your home page looks clean and well done and I love all of the pictures you have posted, it makes reading your story easy and enjoyable. I think that you created a really good intro to your story as you set up the rest of the story. I am looking forward to what you will be doing as you go into your story. I think that one thing that could be done differently would be adding in more what the story you will be making, maybe a hint of what kind of stories you will be doing. I think this story is going to be great and I am looking forward to reading it.
Hi Bethany, I really enjoyed reading your storybook. I thought your ideas were very creative. To be specific, I like the aspect of creating the river as a mystical being. It really set the mood of the storybook in a spiritual kind of way. I really enjoyed that aspect. Also, it kind of reminded me of Moana the movie that recently came it. This kind of story gives nature human characteristics. I was always a fan of those types of stories. I also enjoyed the fact that the river is the storyteller of the storybook. It is similar to other storybooks that I have read where the writer chooses one all-knowing character to tell the stories of the other characters in their storybook. I like that narrator aspect of the storybook as well. I am excited to see how you introduce other characters and give them their own backgrounds. Keep it up!
Wow! I love how in the intro you make me feel like the river is alive, a woman, and has secrets like a real person! I had an eerie feeling when this woman walked up and was wanting the narrater to go explore the river with her. Speaking of the narrator who is he? How cool that he got to meet the Goddess of the River though! I absolutely love the video you used in Descent from Heaven! It completely got my mind ready for the story. I never thought of using audio like that, but it is genius. Ganga talking about how she used to be young and wild and whatnot helped me view her more as a person. I really enjoy Ganga talking about her experiences on earth and the lessens she learned from us humans. I also really like as she talks about her being mischievous the boat speeds up. Really keeps the idea that the two are one connected throughout the story. Very good story! Good job!
This was a great read! My favorite part was probably the intro because like the previous post above mine, you really make the river come alive. I think it's awesome to personify something like this because of the mysteries it could tell about. I think you do a great job of making sure to include that the river has many secrets, in that respect. I think it is very cool how you have the narrator give give his experience of meeting the goddess of the river. Giving this direct perspective gives the reader of feeling like they know everything that they could possibly need to know.
Bethany, I enjoyed the first story of the Goddess Ganga. I think it was a great idea to write it from her perspective. I could tell without your author’s note where you are aiming to go with your storybook and without reading the next story. Ganga explained perfectly in the introduction and again in this story that she is going to share stories about herself with the person in the boat. I think it was a pretty cool idea to place the YouTube video for the nature sounds by the river on this page. Is it possible to imbed just a soundtrack so that there is no clicking necessary and no ads that must be skipped? That would be a stellar addition to the page if you could figure out a way to do that instead. You have done a great job staying in third person when writing from the narrator’s perspective, then back into first person as Ganga. I look forward to reading the rest of her tale.
Bethany, Carelessly Caught was a good read. There were a few places that required a second reading to understand. You wrote about her passing by Jahnu’s camp and seeing “my first human objects,” at first I thought you meant human subjects, until she throws the pots and pans around. Since it is her first encounter, she hasn’t made them “hers” yet, so just “first human objects” might make it easier to for your reader to understand on the first read. I think the image you chose goes well with the description as you continue your travel along the river, or vice versa, you found an image to go with your description. It would be cool to add your image below the paragraph about the “derelict temple” and then continue with the rest of your story below it. I enjoy how you are swinging back and forth with Ganga’s personality, showing her old and wise soul versus young and playful, with the words you choose for her tone.
This intro is so creative!! I don’t really know what tips to give you for it! I really like the fact that you made the river a person in a way so that the woman can speak on the river’s behalf. Perhaps your introduction would be stronger if you added some foreshadowing or explanation about what kind of stories you are going to tell. Are you telling the stories just with the theme of the river or will there be other themes connecting them? It is also interesting the way you wrote your introduction because I cannot tell if there is going to be a main character besides the river goddess, or if the other main character will be us- the readers. Maybe clarifying this will improve your introduction. I love the dialogue and the idea is so creative! I can’t wait to read your storybook! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteI love your use of imagery in your introduction; your description of the Ganges river is especially beautiful! However, I think the most interesting choice you made in this story is putting it in the second-perspective (i.e. “you”). It’s an uncommon storytelling perspective and slightly difficult, but you executed it fairly well! The only thing I was wondering about in your introduction was in your first paragraph. By starting off with the word “imagine,” your entire story becomes invalid and somewhat disconnected. As an introduction to your introduction, you need to lay out your story structure. I didn’t really know it was in the second-perspective at first because I just thought this was a hypothetical situation. What if you take out (or at least change) “imagine” and alter the sentence slightly to include the second-perspective? Your beginning sentence can go something like: “For a moment you hear the sound of a slow-moving river as she softly slips between the noise and bustle of the city streets filled with people.” Although, you can alter it however you like! Besides this, I don’t really have any other suggestions for you. This introduction was amazing, and I can’t wait to read the rest!
ReplyDeleteHi Julie!
ReplyDeleteYour first paragraph in your introduction was my favorite part of this introduction because you used personification and one of the senses to start off with. I think this was a great way to start off your introduction. I instantly wanted to read your stories after that. What if you elaborated on the imagery of the mysterious woman? I was trying to imagine what she looked like, but I think an in depth description of her would make your introduction even better. I was just left wondering what she actually looks like, and how she carries herself. However, I really loved your introduction. It has everything to capture a reader. The images you included were also great, and I like that one was of the boat, and the other of the actual river. I look forward to reading your storybook, and see what else your creativity brings. Great work, and good luck!
Bethany, so far the introduction was great! I am somewhat sad that I am only able to read the introduction thus far but I may come back and read some more of the story later on! As Sydney mentioned in her comment, it would be great if you could maybe add a little bit of foreshadowing or maybe like a flashback to your introduction to really capture the reader and want them to read further into the story.
ReplyDeleteI think that using the Ganges River is great because that is such a well-known area in these types of stories. It would be great if you could maybe change the theme of the website to something other than white but I am not too sure about the specifics on formatting the storybook since I chose to do the portfolio. I wish you the best of luck on this story and the rest of the semester! Good job so far.
Hi Bethany! This introduction was great, you really painted a picture in my head of setting this story will take place in. My favorite portion was, “As you stand at the top of a set of worn stone steps, your ears welcome the sound of a slow-moving river as she softly slips between the noise and bustle of city streets filled with people. Her deep waters, shrouded from penetrating light by the layers of dirt from her bed far below, carry unseen cargo in their midst”. You are an amazing storyteller; I can tell your imagination is on point also. The only question I had after reading the introduction was what the story layout will be like? Are you going to introduce characters in each chapter or stick with the theme of the river? I have no doubt after reading your introduction that this portfolio will turn out great, good luck!
ReplyDeleteHi Bethany!
ReplyDeleteWow, I really loved the introduction! Your ability to keep me captivated was definitely outstanding. The way you personified the Ganges was a goddess was very well written. Your words with intricate detail provide a huge insight to what she looks like, and her character. I wonder if you might able to make this introduction just a little more stronger. What if you also gave readers insight about what they are about to encounter as they scroll through the rest of the website? Maybe give a hint on what stories to expect, and what about the Goddess we will end up learning? This would not only keep the reader captivated, but even excited and have a story or two that they will definitely look forward to. Your creativity is very inspiring, and I am sure you stories will be amazing. I am looking forward to reading, and looking at the rest of your website as you make changes and additions. Good luck with the rest of it!
Bethany, I really enjoyed reading your introduction. I think that you are on a great path to making a great story. I loved how you first illustrated what it looked like to be at the Ganges river and following by the way that you made people speaking to each other. The hiddenness that you made the women into the goddess Ganges herself was really a really good piece to the tale. I think that you created a really good intro to your story as you set up the rest of the story. I am looking forward to what you will be doing as you go into your story. I think that one thing that could be done differently would be adding in more what the story you will be making, maybe a hint of what kind of stories you will be doing. I think this story is going to be great and I am looking forward to reading it.
ReplyDeleteBethany, this is going awesome! I know in my last comment I talked about how creative it was for you to personify Ganges so well. I felt like you developed her character as a goddess really well and it makes your story really beautiful and full of so much imagery! Your home page looks clean and well done and I love all of the pictures you have posted, it makes reading your story easy and enjoyable. I also feel like your pictures correlate well with all of your stories. One thing is that the picture on your introduction could use a reference directly underneath it, rather than at the very bottom of the page. I think it could set the scene and location a little better right at the beginning of your introduction. Other than that, I have loved getting to read through your story again and am looking forward to seeing how it grows even better!
ReplyDeleteBethany, this story is proceeding quite well. At first glance it almost looks like an informational / documentary about the Hindu lore of the Ganges river. But obviously, when one starts reading you come to find its a detailed story about the characters from that Indian tale. The mix of story telling with the 'esk' of historical feel and real world pictures make the story feel very unique.
ReplyDeleteYour character development was great for the goddess was especially good. I honestly want to see more development such as that. Maybe with Shiva in deep detail also? Or even the grandson or his family members. Keep up the good works and I will keep reading your story book, waiting for its completion.
I am very intrigued by the title of your storybook. At first glance I was unaware of what it would be about. Obviously it would be about the Ganges river, but the “from head to mouth” part is where I was curious as to where it was going. Your introduction put my curiosity to ease. It was a nice introduction that contained a lot of detail for the direction that you will take. The introduction seems a little short. Maybe you could add a few more lines in there to give more to the story? I like how you spaced everything out. Sometimes people make the words so small and all in large paragraphs, so it was refreshing to have everything spaced out.
ReplyDeleteI really like how you incorporated the video to your first story! I think that this is such a good idea. There are a few grammatical errors along the way but all-in-all I really enjoyed your storybook! Great job!
Wow this storybook is really interesting and fun to read! I like your style of writing where you are making the reader be the main character. It is definitely different to read a story that is written this way and it holds my attention really well. I had already read your intro but I reread it and it looks really good. I like the strong opening to your first story because it gives your reader a little bit of background and setting so that we know what happened in the intro, but it isn’t repetitive. Maybe you could use one of your next stories to write about why we were chosen to explore the river with the goddess of the Ganges. It could be really cool if you made a crazy reason as to why we specifically were chosen. You have a really strong ending to your story as well and it makes me want to come back to read your next stories! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Bethany! I really like your storybook! My favorite part so far was your addition of the river sounds. That really helped me focus in on the story and immerse myself into the words on the page. I also think your writing style is great. It comes across clear and easy to follow. There were a few little grammatical errors mixed in, but nothing hindering the reader's ability to understand the story. Overall I love the creativity and execution of your project- I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteBethany, this is going awesome! I know in my last comment I talked about how creative it was for you to personify Ganges so well. I felt like you developed her character as a goddess really well and it makes your story really beautiful and full of so much imagery! Your home page looks clean and well done and I love all of the pictures you have posted, it makes reading your story easy and enjoyable. I think that you created a really good intro to your story as you set up the rest of the story. I am looking forward to what you will be doing as you go into your story. I think that one thing that could be done differently would be adding in more what the story you will be making, maybe a hint of what kind of stories you will be doing. I think this story is going to be great and I am looking forward to reading it.
ReplyDeleteHi Bethany, I really enjoyed reading your storybook. I thought your ideas were very creative. To be specific, I like the aspect of creating the river as a mystical being. It really set the mood of the storybook in a spiritual kind of way. I really enjoyed that aspect. Also, it kind of reminded me of Moana the movie that recently came it. This kind of story gives nature human characteristics. I was always a fan of those types of stories. I also enjoyed the fact that the river is the storyteller of the storybook. It is similar to other storybooks that I have read where the writer chooses one all-knowing character to tell the stories of the other characters in their storybook. I like that narrator aspect of the storybook as well. I am excited to see how you introduce other characters and give them their own backgrounds. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteWow! I love how in the intro you make me feel like the river is alive, a woman, and has secrets like a real person! I had an eerie feeling when this woman walked up and was wanting the narrater to go explore the river with her. Speaking of the narrator who is he? How cool that he got to meet the Goddess of the River though! I absolutely love the video you used in Descent from Heaven! It completely got my mind ready for the story. I never thought of using audio like that, but it is genius. Ganga talking about how she used to be young and wild and whatnot helped me view her more as a person. I really enjoy Ganga talking about her experiences on earth and the lessens she learned from us humans. I also really like as she talks about her being mischievous the boat speeds up. Really keeps the idea that the two are one connected throughout the story. Very good story! Good job!
ReplyDeleteThis was a great read! My favorite part was probably the intro because like the previous post above mine, you really make the river come alive. I think it's awesome to personify something like this because of the mysteries it could tell about. I think you do a great job of making sure to include that the river has many secrets, in that respect. I think it is very cool how you have the narrator give give his experience of meeting the goddess of the river. Giving this direct perspective gives the reader of feeling like they know everything that they could possibly need to know.
ReplyDeleteBethany,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the first story of the Goddess Ganga. I think it was a great idea to write it from her perspective. I could tell without your author’s note where you are aiming to go with your storybook and without reading the next story. Ganga explained perfectly in the introduction and again in this story that she is going to share stories about herself with the person in the boat.
I think it was a pretty cool idea to place the YouTube video for the nature sounds by the river on this page. Is it possible to imbed just a soundtrack so that there is no clicking necessary and no ads that must be skipped? That would be a stellar addition to the page if you could figure out a way to do that instead. You have done a great job staying in third person when writing from the narrator’s perspective, then back into first person as Ganga. I look forward to reading the rest of her tale.
Bethany,
ReplyDeleteCarelessly Caught was a good read. There were a few places that required a second reading to understand. You wrote about her passing by Jahnu’s camp and seeing “my first human objects,” at first I thought you meant human subjects, until she throws the pots and pans around. Since it is her first encounter, she hasn’t made them “hers” yet, so just “first human objects” might make it easier to for your reader to understand on the first read.
I think the image you chose goes well with the description as you continue your travel along the river, or vice versa, you found an image to go with your description. It would be cool to add your image below the paragraph about the “derelict temple” and then continue with the rest of your story below it. I enjoy how you are swinging back and forth with Ganga’s personality, showing her old and wise soul versus young and playful, with the words you choose for her tone.